The Old Glass

I’ve filled my glass with sadness,
That black, sticky, sooty goo.
I’ve filled my glass with stubbornness,
That bull that keeps on raging.

I’ve filled my glass with fury.
Those red, hot coals burning all of me.
I’ve filled my glass with futility.
That troubled face looks sullenly at me.

I’ve filled my glass with irritation,
That poking adds to the fire too.
I’ve filled my glass with hesitation,
That monster which keeps on hiding.

I’ve filled my glass with anxiety,
That wheel that keeps tripping me.
I’ve filled my glass with nobody,
That empty space reserved only for me.

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Hello Everyone! I’m back from my hiatus. This poem was written two months ago, hence aptly titled The Old Glass.

What do you think of this poem? Do comment!

An idea

A smooth,
Untouched,
Piece of paper.
Is transformed
Into something
Extraordinary.
When, it is
Folded.
The paper plane,
Flies to the
Skies.
Carelessly
Happy.
Carelessly
Free.

The wind,
The cruel wind,
Tries to
Break it apart.
Beat it down.
But, it sings merrily,
Goes on its way.
It perseveres.
Hoping to be real.
Hoping to be divine.
It carries on,
In tune with gravity.
And love,
And harmony.

Things

“Things are never just there, one must go and look for them.”
                  
                                – Ramsha, 2016.

What is the point?

Warning: An extremely personal and long post ahead. If you take the time to read it, comment. It’s compulsory. 

Oblivion. We all are oblivious of our pasts, well atleast most of us non-historians are.

       Yesterday, I had been feeling very helpless, shattered even. You see, I have a YouTube channel and since I’m not very ‘popular’ no one seems to wanna watch it. “But Ramsha, people don’t have time for someone as inconsequential as you,” is something what you would say to me. I know. “Maybe your videos just plain suck.” Yes, I completely agree. The first one sucked a lot, the second one sucked a little lesser, the third one sucked even lesser and the fourth one sucked the least. I’m working as hard as I can in order for them to not suck. And since, I put in the most effort in filming and editing the fourth video, I’m damn proud of it. I tried my best. And as we all know, the basic aim of anything one has put a lot of hard work in, is to be noticed. So, in order for everyone to know that I did something more worthwhile with my life, I shared the video with all the important and semi-important and not-so-important people in my Whatsapp contacts list. I’m not saying that one has to applaud me by saying,”Damn! That was an amazing video! Great job!” No.

      Even if someone takes the time to tell me,”Your video sucks!” I would be happy. But when people read my texts and don’t reply, my heart breaks a little. I mean how can one judge something when they haven’t even watched it? And it wasn’t just one or two people who didn’t say anything, it was about thirty people. THIRTY PEOPLE.

Not only that, one of my insanely popular classmates at college made a very professional-looking video with others’ help and got over 600 views in a day. At first it bothered me. A lot. A LOT lot. But then I decided to let it pass. I don’t own the right to make videos. I alone don’t own the right to love YouTube. To make videos. Hell, for all I know, his video would’ve got a million views by now. Good for him, and I genuinely mean it.

“But Ramsha, you’re not gonna get a million views in a day. No one will know about you so soon. Why are you even making these videos? What is the point of all this?” Is something else you would say in order to console and question me at the same time.

Well let me tell ya, till now, in these glorious eighteen years of my life, I haven’t found something I excel at, and making videos might serve as the gateway for movie-making. Maybe directing is the right direction for me. I dunno. I’m still living through this thing called life. I’m just making this all up as I go along.

That brings me to why I felt so helpless. I felt that all my day’s-worth of editing was for naught. I felt that I didn’t need to work so hard for something that no one would watch, something that no one would even care about. No one would want to watch an unpopular person. No one. It got so bad that I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t calm down. I wouldn’t calm down.

I explained all of this to my dad. “Daddy, no one cares. Everyone just asks me that why I am doing all this. No one seems to answer my texts. I mean why can’t they JUST, just look at the goddamn video once?! Do they see through all my insecurities and say ‘Hey! This girl sucks! She literally has an invisible Loser sign on her head which is only seen by us! MUAHAHA! Let’s make her feel even more worthless by not watching her stupid, boring video!’ ”

“Ramsha, just try harder. Become better at this. If making videos is what you wanna do, just give it your all. Just give it your best shot. Eventually, someone important will notice. Just, be patient. Try harder. Just keep on moving forward. These people who haven’t replied do not matter. Don’t just give up. Don’t give up on yourself.” My dad said with a hug.

And I did feel better once my dad said all that. He and my mom are the only two people who will back me up no matter what. They’re the absolute best.

But something else bothered me. Once I realised what it was, the thought grew like a virus. It consumed me. Saddened me. I said to myself,” What is the point of all this? Of life? Am I supposed to rule the world and live an extravagant life, or am I supposed to blend in with the other fellow mundane human beings? All of this, all this effort won’t even matter in a say a hundred years. I’ll be dead. No one will remember me anyway. I’ll live a mundane and die a mundane.” I just felt empty. It felt like all my creativity, all my zest was sucked out by those existential questions. I was anxious. I was deeply unhappy.

But then I realised something, I was not going to give up on MY dreams just because some insignificant people did not validate me by not watching my hard-work. Dammit, I am going to work harder and smarter. And if those blasted existence-questioning questions bother me, I’ll just exercise or better yet, watch some anime. Or eat some chips. And, finally:

‘I WILL WORK HARD.  I’LL MAKE IT COUNT. I HAVE TO. I JUST HAVE TO.’

 

And if any of you guys feel an existential crisis arising due to some unimportant people or events, just remember – ‘ YOU ARE THE POINT.

If anyone else feel this way, please comment. Let’s all face this together. Let’s kick it to the curb. Just comment.  

Whew! I feel much better now.

 

 

 

 

 

Cease to exist

Places and people cease to exist when we move away from them. We move on, some way or the other, we forget their tiny details. We forget their flaws, their strengths. But, when they come back into our lives, we cease to believe that they still exist.
             I’ve forgotten so many people and places I didn’t want to forget. And I remember so many people and places I wanna forget.

             Life is just so weird.

My YouTube channel!

Hello everyone! I’ve finally made my first ever YouTube channel! I had been wanting to upload videos for a really long time, but due to a lot of self-doubt and procrastination, I didn’t make any, until NOW!

I had thought that making videos was a tedious task, and boy was I proven right. In today’s day and age videos have many elements to them like proper editing, background music, intros and a LOT of advertising. Not only that, one has to make sure to use non-copyrighted music and must look for it. These simple tasks make all the difference. But, holy-moly do they take a lotta time.

As if video making wasn’t enough, the fact that I’m extremely camera-shy was also an added bonus! I don’t even like to take selfies. Not only that, I had to talk to a circular camera lens as if it were my friend for 4 minutes. And after 30 takes, I finally got the perfect video.

But it was worth it. So, SO worth it. Every single day of the video-making process, I would jump out of bed and feel at ease. Video-making is exhilarating, so , SO exhilarating!

Although the video isn’t perfect, I’ve done my best and if there are any ways in which I can improve my videos, please do let me know. Constructive criticism is always more than welcome.

So, without further ado, here’s my first video ever. I hope you all like it. 🙂

And if you all do like it, please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE and SHARE! It would motivate me to improve and make more videos in the future.

Idiots

We’re all idiots,
In some way or the other.
We cannot possibly know everything.
That is the truth, although it stings.
       I wanna know it all.
       I wanna learn a new language,
       And how to dance at a ball,
       And how to act on a stage.
We’re all just stupid.
In many different ways.
We don’t learn from our past,
And in turn, don’t let happiness last.
          I wanna just be happy.
          I wanna know the secret,
          To everlasting, never-ending joy,
          To not fall for sadness’s ploys.
We’re all not know-it-alls.
In fact, we don’t know,
The whole truth, to us, to life, to being.
We are content with just sightseeing.
          I wanna solve this mystery.
          I wanna know the truth,
          Of how we came to be,
          Of how we were made by He.
We’re all just pawns.
In the ultimate game.
The reasons are certainly unknown.
But, it is certain that we’re all lone.
    

Atlas

image

We all carry the world on our shoulders,
Mental or physical, heavy as boulders.
    The weight is completely crushing,
     Knees on the ground, brushing.
           The world rests like a crown,
            Our faces marred into a frown.
We just want to get rid of it all,
So that life can again be a ball.
           We just want to be ever-happy,
           Not sad and overly-sappy.
The weight we carry isn’t the same,
We’re on different levels of the game.
           We got to lose sometimes to rise,
           Let go of those suppressed cries.
We’ve gotta keep moving on,
And take control of this life before it’s gone.

Life hacks #2

So, I turned eighteen this Thursday. It had been an awesome but an extremely chaotic day. I had been out for more than twelve hours. Needless to say, I woke up the next day at two pm.
On the twenty third of this month, ten minutes before twelve am, I was hyperventilating. The following was my thought process :-
‘Oh my god! It’s my birthday tomorrow! I’m nervous but excited. Who will wish me? Will my best friends call me at midnight? Will my parents throw me a surprise party? What presents will I get? Will I feel any different? Will I feel older all of a sudden?’
As you can read, my thoughts were jumbled. I was thinking WAY too much. Although the day was important, I was thinking constantly about it. And then at the stroke of midnight, I had an epiphany. I said,” Don’t take any day too seriously. It’s just a day. Sure it is important but I shouldn’t expect anything of it. I should just accept anything and everything that comes in my way on this day.”
All of us have days which are extremely important for us. Be it our graduation, wedding day or in my case, my eighteenth birthday. We always want everything to be perfect on THIS particular day. We don’t want anything to go wrong, so we think, and we plan, and then we think some more. This extra thinking puts a lot of stress on us before and on these special days. But we forget the most important lesson, we forget that life is unpredictable. THE special day maybe good or bad. There maybe things that may go right and things that may go wrong. We can control the day only to a certain extent. Therefore, we shouldn’t expect.
So,my readers, don’t put pressure on yourselves to make a day perfect, because it never will be perfectly perfect.
This hack has been tried and tested and is 100 percent Ramexa approved!

PS. I swear to God, this is the last birthday post of this year.

What do you think of this hack? Do comment!

And as always, if you like what I write, please like, comment and follow. It’s free anyway!