“I should stop finding perfection in others and imperfection in myself.”
                                      – Ramsha, 2016.

What is the point?

Warning: An extremely personal and long post ahead. If you take the time to read it, comment. It’s compulsory. 

Oblivion. We all are oblivious of our pasts, well atleast most of us non-historians are.

       Yesterday, I had been feeling very helpless, shattered even. You see, I have a YouTube channel and since I’m not very ‘popular’ no one seems to wanna watch it. “But Ramsha, people don’t have time for someone as inconsequential as you,” is something what you would say to me. I know. “Maybe your videos just plain suck.” Yes, I completely agree. The first one sucked a lot, the second one sucked a little lesser, the third one sucked even lesser and the fourth one sucked the least. I’m working as hard as I can in order for them to not suck. And since, I put in the most effort in filming and editing the fourth video, I’m damn proud of it. I tried my best. And as we all know, the basic aim of anything one has put a lot of hard work in, is to be noticed. So, in order for everyone to know that I did something more worthwhile with my life, I shared the video with all the important and semi-important and not-so-important people in my Whatsapp contacts list. I’m not saying that one has to applaud me by saying,”Damn! That was an amazing video! Great job!” No.

      Even if someone takes the time to tell me,”Your video sucks!” I would be happy. But when people read my texts and don’t reply, my heart breaks a little. I mean how can one judge something when they haven’t even watched it? And it wasn’t just one or two people who didn’t say anything, it was about thirty people. THIRTY PEOPLE.

Not only that, one of my insanely popular classmates at college made a very professional-looking video with others’ help and got over 600 views in a day. At first it bothered me. A lot. A LOT lot. But then I decided to let it pass. I don’t own the right to make videos. I alone don’t own the right to love YouTube. To make videos. Hell, for all I know, his video would’ve got a million views by now. Good for him, and I genuinely mean it.

“But Ramsha, you’re not gonna get a million views in a day. No one will know about you so soon. Why are you even making these videos? What is the point of all this?” Is something else you would say in order to console and question me at the same time.

Well let me tell ya, till now, in these glorious eighteen years of my life, I haven’t found something I excel at, and making videos might serve as the gateway for movie-making. Maybe directing is the right direction for me. I dunno. I’m still living through this thing called life. I’m just making this all up as I go along.

That brings me to why I felt so helpless. I felt that all my day’s-worth of editing was for naught. I felt that I didn’t need to work so hard for something that no one would watch, something that no one would even care about. No one would want to watch an unpopular person. No one. It got so bad that I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t calm down. I wouldn’t calm down.

I explained all of this to my dad. “Daddy, no one cares. Everyone just asks me that why I am doing all this. No one seems to answer my texts. I mean why can’t they JUST, just look at the goddamn video once?! Do they see through all my insecurities and say ‘Hey! This girl sucks! She literally has an invisible Loser sign on her head which is only seen by us! MUAHAHA! Let’s make her feel even more worthless by not watching her stupid, boring video!’ ”

“Ramsha, just try harder. Become better at this. If making videos is what you wanna do, just give it your all. Just give it your best shot. Eventually, someone important will notice. Just, be patient. Try harder. Just keep on moving forward. These people who haven’t replied do not matter. Don’t just give up. Don’t give up on yourself.” My dad said with a hug.

And I did feel better once my dad said all that. He and my mom are the only two people who will back me up no matter what. They’re the absolute best.

But something else bothered me. Once I realised what it was, the thought grew like a virus. It consumed me. Saddened me. I said to myself,” What is the point of all this? Of life? Am I supposed to rule the world and live an extravagant life, or am I supposed to blend in with the other fellow mundane human beings? All of this, all this effort won’t even matter in a say a hundred years. I’ll be dead. No one will remember me anyway. I’ll live a mundane and die a mundane.” I just felt empty. It felt like all my creativity, all my zest was sucked out by those existential questions. I was anxious. I was deeply unhappy.

But then I realised something, I was not going to give up on MY dreams just because some insignificant people did not validate me by not watching my hard-work. Dammit, I am going to work harder and smarter. And if those blasted existence-questioning questions bother me, I’ll just exercise or better yet, watch some anime. Or eat some chips. And, finally:



And if any of you guys feel an existential crisis arising due to some unimportant people or events, just remember – ‘ YOU ARE THE POINT.

If anyone else feel this way, please comment. Let’s all face this together. Let’s kick it to the curb. Just comment.  

Whew! I feel much better now.






I Yearn

I yearn to
Be with those,
Who don’t yearn,
To be with me.

I care too much
About them,
But they couldn’t,
Careless about me.

I seek their unneeded
And unnecessary validation,
Only to realise that,
They will never validate me.

I get so mesmerised,
By their beauty,
Their abundant charm,
That I forget their true inner being.

It would be really nice,
That once in a while,
I would find someone,
Who would yearn to be with me,
Without driving me crazy.

Cease to exist

Places and people cease to exist when we move away from them. We move on, some way or the other, we forget their tiny details. We forget their flaws, their strengths. But, when they come back into our lives, we cease to believe that they still exist.
             I’ve forgotten so many people and places I didn’t want to forget. And I remember so many people and places I wanna forget.

             Life is just so weird.


People don’t die you know,

They’re still in my mind, heart and soul.

I wish that they would break free,

From the cages that I trapped them in.

I want them to finally just go.

So that my heart stops being coal.

Then my life will be filled with glee.

And I’ll finally find peace within.

My life will be a colourful rainbow.

Without what they took and stole.

No more I would need to flee.

And maybe then I would finally win.



The process of time.

The ball keeps rolling,
The strollers keep strolling.
   The story keeps unfolding.
   The moulders keep moulding.
The breeze keeps calling.
The stars keep falling.
   The person keeps sharing.
   The souls keep bearing.
The love keeps growing.
The signs keep showing.
    The matter keeps troubling.
    The emotions keep bubbling.
The issue keeps resolving.
The people keep evolving.
    The time keeps passing.
    Their love keeps amassing.


We humans are an enigma. We don’t understand other people, let alone ourselves. Allow me to explain.
All our lives we yearn to be two things:

1)To belong somewhere. We always want to belong in a particular group of people. We want to blend in with the crowd. We want the crowd to accept us. To welcome us with open arms. To be friends with the crowd.

2)To stand out. We want to be THAT undiscovered gem that shines the most. THAT beauty which is so extraordinary, which only we possess.
We should be THAT hauntingly beautiful melody which no one has heard before.

Don’t these WANTS of ours seem pretty contradictory? Why are we humans so confusing? We all want to be ducks, but at the same time THE one and only swan. I’m no exception. I don’t think any of us are.
                So, in conclusion, we humans are indecisive. We don’t know exactly what we want. All we know is that, we want IT.

Two posts in one day!!! Someone give me a cookie! I’m just kidding, I already ate one! 😀

What do YOU feel? Do you want to stand out or be a part of the crowd?
Do comment!

And, as always, if you like what I write, do like, comment and follow! It’s free anyway! 🙂