Where I’ve Been and Self-Help Tips

Hello! You may remember me as Ramexa or better yet, Ramsha or not. The reason why I’ve been away from the blogosphere for almost a month is ’cause I had my finals. Of the second semester. Of college. And if you’re anything like me, you leave all your studying until, literally the very last moment. Bad move. Really bad move.

Also, I had a huge writer’s block. Not because of exams. But because of my thinking. I was addicted to negative thoughts and feelings all the time. About everything and everyone. But most of all, I thought very bad of myself. What a huge, dumb mistake. Listen to me, don’t go on hating yourself, ’cause you’re gonna be stuck in YOUR body all your life, so you might as well learn to love yourself. And if you’re having some trouble with that, I highly recommend The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and every video by FlightMediocrity.

The Secret discusses mainly The Law Of Attraction. It basically means that each every thought of yours creates your life. So, in a nutshell, if you think you’re stupid, you’re stupid. If you think you’re awesome, you’re awesome.

The FlightMediocrity YouTube channel consists of self-help book reviews with a twist. Each and every video is animated, and through animations, Malkhaz, discusses and teaches the audience about the teachings of a particular book.

This is my favourite video by FlightMediocrity:

Just watch it. You’ll thank me later.

And if all this still doesn’t help you, and music is more your thing, here are some of my favourite happy songs. I hope these help.

1)Pharrell Williams – Happy

 

2)Demi Lovato – Confident

 

3)Queen – We Are The Champions

 

4)Fall Out Boy – I Don’t Care

 

5)Panic! At The Disco – Victorious

 

I’m back everyone! Feels awesome to be back!

If you like this post, do LIKE, COMMENT & FOLLOW!

Also, BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! I’ve started a Blogger blog as well! It’s gonna be all about movies! Do check out my first Blogger post here – http://ramexabella.blogspot.in/

 

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5th video – ‘Why I hate Sales!’ + Q & A

Hello everyone! I have finally uploaded a new video! Well, a month and ten days to be exact. I blame college. And anime. So, without further ado, here’s my new video!

If you guys like it, please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE! Also, please subscribe! I’m trying to reach my goal of 200 subscribers by the end of this month!

 

Ps. You don’t need to have a separate YouTube account to subscribe. Your YouTube account is connected to your mail. So, if you log in to your mail, you will be able to log into YouTube.

 

And now for the Q & A!

Luna’s questions!

1) Where do you get inspiration for your writing?

I never plan ANY of my posts. If I get a new, amazing idea out of nowhere, and if it’s good enough, I make it into a post or a poem. I just post whatever I think is good. Whatever I think has to be said. It’s all my jumbled ideas finding order. But I can definitely say that my writing represents what I feel at a particular moment.

 

2) What’s your favourite animal?

PANDAS!!!! They’re just so adorable! Plus, they’re black and white and Asian! They’re the least racist animals out there. Also, the new Kung Fu Panda movie came out, so I’m all the more in love with them!

cute-baby-panda-wallpaper-wallpaper-1

 

happyme’s questions:

1) What’s your favourite book and why?

The Hunger Games trilogy! The idea is just fantastic! Although many people say that it’s a rip-off of Battle Royale, it really isn’t. It’s just too different. Also, if you like The Hunger Games and anime, I highly recommend Future Diary, Btooom!, and Eden of the East.

 

2) What is your ideal vacation?

Japan in the cherry blossom season, which typically is from March to April.

 

3) What are you most looking forward to this year?

My trip to Sharjah! My aunt lives there and she’s invited me over to stay at her home. Plus I have a four year old cousin who’s simply the cutest baby girl ever!

 

Elm’s questions:

1) Why do you like making videos?

I’m gonna answer that question in my new video!

 

2) What’s your best memory?

I have a lot of amazing memories, but my recent favourite has been when my dad and I went to a really far away mall. We hadn’t been able to hang out for a month because we both were extremely busy with work and college respectively. We shopped a lot, talked a lot and had a blast. The whole day was just so calming and cheerful.

 

3) How many languages can you speak?

Since I’m an Indian, I speak Hindi fluently. I can also understand Gujarati and French a little. Also, I have an awesome Japanese vocabulary; of about 20 words!

 

Ameena k.g’s question:

1) What’s love according to you?

Adoration. Respect. And trust. Also, whatever you love has the power to hurt you the most. Love is dark chocolate.

 

Mon’s question:

1) Which author do you wish to be more like?

I have a few authors I admire here on WordPress!

My absolute favourite writers are:

Poeteer: Wesley’s poems are so simple yet so powerful. I can only wish my poems are as good as his.

dray0308: Danny’s posts are all about positivity and healing. His blog also gives bloggers a chance to mingle and also to discover new, amazing blogs.

Mindoftannguyen: Tan Nguyen’s poems are simply beautiful. Beautifully written and beautifully detailed.

Eyes + Words: This website headed by Jacob Ibrag gives aspiring writers to showcase their talent. Each and every poem found on this site is pure perfection.

 

Izrael’s question:

1) Where did you get your writing inspiration from?

All my writing stems from my thoughts. I just write to get a clear idea of what I’m thinking.

 

Hiba’s question:

1) Do you find it challenging and intimidating to put yourself out there on the site as a woman of colour?

Well first of all, I’m girl. I’m only 18! Second, no I really don’t. But I have come across a lot of mixed reviews of my videos from my ‘friends’ and family. I’ll talk about this more in detail in my newest video.

 

What is the point?

Warning: An extremely personal and long post ahead. If you take the time to read it, comment. It’s compulsory. 

Oblivion. We all are oblivious of our pasts, well atleast most of us non-historians are.

       Yesterday, I had been feeling very helpless, shattered even. You see, I have a YouTube channel and since I’m not very ‘popular’ no one seems to wanna watch it. “But Ramsha, people don’t have time for someone as inconsequential as you,” is something what you would say to me. I know. “Maybe your videos just plain suck.” Yes, I completely agree. The first one sucked a lot, the second one sucked a little lesser, the third one sucked even lesser and the fourth one sucked the least. I’m working as hard as I can in order for them to not suck. And since, I put in the most effort in filming and editing the fourth video, I’m damn proud of it. I tried my best. And as we all know, the basic aim of anything one has put a lot of hard work in, is to be noticed. So, in order for everyone to know that I did something more worthwhile with my life, I shared the video with all the important and semi-important and not-so-important people in my Whatsapp contacts list. I’m not saying that one has to applaud me by saying,”Damn! That was an amazing video! Great job!” No.

      Even if someone takes the time to tell me,”Your video sucks!” I would be happy. But when people read my texts and don’t reply, my heart breaks a little. I mean how can one judge something when they haven’t even watched it? And it wasn’t just one or two people who didn’t say anything, it was about thirty people. THIRTY PEOPLE.

Not only that, one of my insanely popular classmates at college made a very professional-looking video with others’ help and got over 600 views in a day. At first it bothered me. A lot. A LOT lot. But then I decided to let it pass. I don’t own the right to make videos. I alone don’t own the right to love YouTube. To make videos. Hell, for all I know, his video would’ve got a million views by now. Good for him, and I genuinely mean it.

“But Ramsha, you’re not gonna get a million views in a day. No one will know about you so soon. Why are you even making these videos? What is the point of all this?” Is something else you would say in order to console and question me at the same time.

Well let me tell ya, till now, in these glorious eighteen years of my life, I haven’t found something I excel at, and making videos might serve as the gateway for movie-making. Maybe directing is the right direction for me. I dunno. I’m still living through this thing called life. I’m just making this all up as I go along.

That brings me to why I felt so helpless. I felt that all my day’s-worth of editing was for naught. I felt that I didn’t need to work so hard for something that no one would watch, something that no one would even care about. No one would want to watch an unpopular person. No one. It got so bad that I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t calm down. I wouldn’t calm down.

I explained all of this to my dad. “Daddy, no one cares. Everyone just asks me that why I am doing all this. No one seems to answer my texts. I mean why can’t they JUST, just look at the goddamn video once?! Do they see through all my insecurities and say ‘Hey! This girl sucks! She literally has an invisible Loser sign on her head which is only seen by us! MUAHAHA! Let’s make her feel even more worthless by not watching her stupid, boring video!’ ”

“Ramsha, just try harder. Become better at this. If making videos is what you wanna do, just give it your all. Just give it your best shot. Eventually, someone important will notice. Just, be patient. Try harder. Just keep on moving forward. These people who haven’t replied do not matter. Don’t just give up. Don’t give up on yourself.” My dad said with a hug.

And I did feel better once my dad said all that. He and my mom are the only two people who will back me up no matter what. They’re the absolute best.

But something else bothered me. Once I realised what it was, the thought grew like a virus. It consumed me. Saddened me. I said to myself,” What is the point of all this? Of life? Am I supposed to rule the world and live an extravagant life, or am I supposed to blend in with the other fellow mundane human beings? All of this, all this effort won’t even matter in a say a hundred years. I’ll be dead. No one will remember me anyway. I’ll live a mundane and die a mundane.” I just felt empty. It felt like all my creativity, all my zest was sucked out by those existential questions. I was anxious. I was deeply unhappy.

But then I realised something, I was not going to give up on MY dreams just because some insignificant people did not validate me by not watching my hard-work. Dammit, I am going to work harder and smarter. And if those blasted existence-questioning questions bother me, I’ll just exercise or better yet, watch some anime. Or eat some chips. And, finally:

‘I WILL WORK HARD.  I’LL MAKE IT COUNT. I HAVE TO. I JUST HAVE TO.’

 

And if any of you guys feel an existential crisis arising due to some unimportant people or events, just remember – ‘ YOU ARE THE POINT.

If anyone else feel this way, please comment. Let’s all face this together. Let’s kick it to the curb. Just comment.  

Whew! I feel much better now.

 

 

 

 

 

I Yearn

I yearn to
Be with those,
Who don’t yearn,
To be with me.

I care too much
About them,
But they couldn’t,
Careless about me.

I seek their unneeded
And unnecessary validation,
Only to realise that,
They will never validate me.

I get so mesmerised,
By their beauty,
Their abundant charm,
That I forget their true inner being.

It would be really nice,
That once in a while,
I would find someone,
Who would yearn to be with me,
Without driving me crazy.

2015 and 2016

2015 has been the biggest year of my life. This year has officially been the most overwhelming year of my life, yet. Never forget the ‘yet’. 2015 should be crowned as ‘the year that changes it all’. No, truly. Usually, one changes ever-so-slightly. Usually, the change is so slow that one does not even feel it in its entirety. Change usually feels like gradually adding sugar to subtly sweeten some coffee. Change feels like years of hard-work and dedication that would be showcased just for a few seconds. Kinda like the Olympics.
           But this year, change has engulfed me. It has swallowed me whole. Kinda like how snakes swallow their prey.
          Let me explain. I’ve either laughed so hard that my head starts hurting, or I’ve cried so hard that my entire body feels drained out. I’ve begun seeing everything in black and white. A thing, anything, is either too good or too bad. Never grey. Never in-between.
        And I was never like that before. I believed in balance. I believed in calmness. But now, the scales are either on the ‘Amazing’ side, or the ‘Sucky’ side. Sigh.
        And since everyday has some elements of good and bad, I tend to get sad pretty easily, because the bad moments seem to last a lot longer than the good ones.
         And since the bad moments seem to last longer, I get sad very often. That’s not a good sign. And its not just sadness. Its a mix of –

Sadness + Loneliness + Over-thinking + Self-doubt + Bunch of shitty people =

Me feeling like I’m not good enough. Like I’m not worthy enough.

So, basically what I’m trying to say is that, for 2016, I have no resolutions except one. I resolve to be Happy. No matter what. I will try my hardest in order to feel like I am worthy. I am awesome. And, only I can label myself.

And I have.
I’m a Youtuber.
I’m a blogger.
I’m a writer.
I’m a reader.
I’m a music-listener.
I’m a anime-watcher.
I’m a Pink-sauce pasta lover.
And, I’m awesomer.

PS. I ran out of words ending with -er.

So, this is my last post for the year 2015. Let’s all just aim to be a little better this year. And a little kinder. And a little gentler. And a little happier. 

Thanks for the love and support everyone. You all are amazing.
2016, here I come. With guns blazing.

What is your resolution for the New Year? Do comment. And as always, do subscribe to my YouTube channel as well as follow my blog. Its free anyway!

I seem.

I seem to be made of glass,
Broken easily.
I seem to be made of paper,
Crumpled easily.
I seem to be made of fire,
Burned easily.
I seem to be made of ice,
Cooled easily.
I seem to be made of blue,
Saddened easily.
I seem to be made of red,
Laughing easily.
I seem to be made of tears,
Crying easily.
I seem to be made of smiles,
Broadened easily.
I seem to be made of pain,
Hurt easily.
I seem to be made of strength,
Endeavouring easily.
I seem to be made of hate,
Consuming easily.
I seem to be made of love,
Giving easily.

Cease to exist

Places and people cease to exist when we move away from them. We move on, some way or the other, we forget their tiny details. We forget their flaws, their strengths. But, when they come back into our lives, we cease to believe that they still exist.
             I’ve forgotten so many people and places I didn’t want to forget. And I remember so many people and places I wanna forget.

             Life is just so weird.

Third YouTube video: INDIVIDUALITY

For the longest time, I’ve felt that I’m different. Not ‘good’ different but more of a ‘weird’ different. Somehow, I always stand out way and blend in at the same time. Kinda hard to explain. It just feels like I’m a completely different colour than everyone else. Everyone is in perfect sync, they create perfect melodies. But I ruin the symphony. Everyone fits in perfectly in the program. But I’m a glitchy hologram.

Without further ado, Here’s my third video:

I’ve tried to improve the quality of my video. I actually wrote a script this time! And I tried to edit it the best I could. Hope you all like it!

If you all like it, please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE and SHARE! It’s all free anyway!

Do You feel that you’re a different colour? If so, which colour do YOU perceive you to be?