Somehow, whenever I look into the mirror, I never really see myself.
Tag: personal
5th video – ‘Why I hate Sales!’ + Q & A
Hello everyone! I have finally uploaded a new video! Well, a month and ten days to be exact. I blame college. And anime. So, without further ado, here’s my new video!
If you guys like it, please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE! Also, please subscribe! I’m trying to reach my goal of 200 subscribers by the end of this month!
Ps. You don’t need to have a separate YouTube account to subscribe. Your YouTube account is connected to your mail. So, if you log in to your mail, you will be able to log into YouTube.
And now for the Q & A!
Luna’s questions!
1) Where do you get inspiration for your writing?
I never plan ANY of my posts. If I get a new, amazing idea out of nowhere, and if it’s good enough, I make it into a post or a poem. I just post whatever I think is good. Whatever I think has to be said. It’s all my jumbled ideas finding order. But I can definitely say that my writing represents what I feel at a particular moment.
2) What’s your favourite animal?
PANDAS!!!! They’re just so adorable! Plus, they’re black and white and Asian! They’re the least racist animals out there. Also, the new Kung Fu Panda movie came out, so I’m all the more in love with them!
happyme’s questions:
1) What’s your favourite book and why?
The Hunger Games trilogy! The idea is just fantastic! Although many people say that it’s a rip-off of Battle Royale, it really isn’t. It’s just too different. Also, if you like The Hunger Games and anime, I highly recommend Future Diary, Btooom!, and Eden of the East.
2) What is your ideal vacation?
Japan in the cherry blossom season, which typically is from March to April.
3) What are you most looking forward to this year?
My trip to Sharjah! My aunt lives there and she’s invited me over to stay at her home. Plus I have a four year old cousin who’s simply the cutest baby girl ever!
Elm’s questions:
1) Why do you like making videos?
I’m gonna answer that question in my new video!
2) What’s your best memory?
I have a lot of amazing memories, but my recent favourite has been when my dad and I went to a really far away mall. We hadn’t been able to hang out for a month because we both were extremely busy with work and college respectively. We shopped a lot, talked a lot and had a blast. The whole day was just so calming and cheerful.
3) How many languages can you speak?
Since I’m an Indian, I speak Hindi fluently. I can also understand Gujarati and French a little. Also, I have an awesome Japanese vocabulary; of about 20 words!
Ameena k.g’s question:
1) What’s love according to you?
Adoration. Respect. And trust. Also, whatever you love has the power to hurt you the most. Love is dark chocolate.
Mon’s question:
1) Which author do you wish to be more like?
I have a few authors I admire here on WordPress!
My absolute favourite writers are:
Poeteer: Wesley’s poems are so simple yet so powerful. I can only wish my poems are as good as his.
dray0308: Danny’s posts are all about positivity and healing. His blog also gives bloggers a chance to mingle and also to discover new, amazing blogs.
Mindoftannguyen: Tan Nguyen’s poems are simply beautiful. Beautifully written and beautifully detailed.
Eyes + Words: This website headed by Jacob Ibrag gives aspiring writers to showcase their talent. Each and every poem found on this site is pure perfection.
Izrael’s question:
1) Where did you get your writing inspiration from?
All my writing stems from my thoughts. I just write to get a clear idea of what I’m thinking.
Hiba’s question:
1) Do you find it challenging and intimidating to put yourself out there on the site as a woman of colour?
Well first of all, I’m girl. I’m only 18! Second, no I really don’t. But I have come across a lot of mixed reviews of my videos from my ‘friends’ and family. I’ll talk about this more in detail in my newest video.
Love
You should be worthy enough of being loved by yourself.
Happiness
Lemme tell you a little something,
About this thing called happiness.
It feels unimaginably amazing.
It makes your heart and soul sing,
And cleans all your mess.
It feels infinitely confining.
But if ya base it off the inconsequential,
It’ll leave a deep, sad stain on you,
And lessen your extraordinary potential.
You gotta figure out what’s essential,
Make time for the prettiest hues,
And stop thinking of the existential.
I know it’s not that easy.
They kinda gnaw at you don’t they?
The scars, the constant reminder.
They’re just so addictively queasy.
Your poking leaves them on display.
And your thoughts simply concur.
You just have to stop thinking.
Your thoughts must be prettily dressed.
And so, you’ll finally end your suffering.
What is the point?
Warning: An extremely personal and long post ahead. If you take the time to read it, comment. It’s compulsory.
Oblivion. We all are oblivious of our pasts, well atleast most of us non-historians are.
Yesterday, I had been feeling very helpless, shattered even. You see, I have a YouTube channel and since I’m not very ‘popular’ no one seems to wanna watch it. “But Ramsha, people don’t have time for someone as inconsequential as you,” is something what you would say to me. I know. “Maybe your videos just plain suck.” Yes, I completely agree. The first one sucked a lot, the second one sucked a little lesser, the third one sucked even lesser and the fourth one sucked the least. I’m working as hard as I can in order for them to not suck. And since, I put in the most effort in filming and editing the fourth video, I’m damn proud of it. I tried my best. And as we all know, the basic aim of anything one has put a lot of hard work in, is to be noticed. So, in order for everyone to know that I did something more worthwhile with my life, I shared the video with all the important and semi-important and not-so-important people in my Whatsapp contacts list. I’m not saying that one has to applaud me by saying,”Damn! That was an amazing video! Great job!” No.
Even if someone takes the time to tell me,”Your video sucks!” I would be happy. But when people read my texts and don’t reply, my heart breaks a little. I mean how can one judge something when they haven’t even watched it? And it wasn’t just one or two people who didn’t say anything, it was about thirty people. THIRTY PEOPLE.
Not only that, one of my insanely popular classmates at college made a very professional-looking video with others’ help and got over 600 views in a day. At first it bothered me. A lot. A LOT lot. But then I decided to let it pass. I don’t own the right to make videos. I alone don’t own the right to love YouTube. To make videos. Hell, for all I know, his video would’ve got a million views by now. Good for him, and I genuinely mean it.
“But Ramsha, you’re not gonna get a million views in a day. No one will know about you so soon. Why are you even making these videos? What is the point of all this?” Is something else you would say in order to console and question me at the same time.
Well let me tell ya, till now, in these glorious eighteen years of my life, I haven’t found something I excel at, and making videos might serve as the gateway for movie-making. Maybe directing is the right direction for me. I dunno. I’m still living through this thing called life. I’m just making this all up as I go along.
That brings me to why I felt so helpless. I felt that all my day’s-worth of editing was for naught. I felt that I didn’t need to work so hard for something that no one would watch, something that no one would even care about. No one would want to watch an unpopular person. No one. It got so bad that I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t calm down. I wouldn’t calm down.
I explained all of this to my dad. “Daddy, no one cares. Everyone just asks me that why I am doing all this. No one seems to answer my texts. I mean why can’t they JUST, just look at the goddamn video once?! Do they see through all my insecurities and say ‘Hey! This girl sucks! She literally has an invisible Loser sign on her head which is only seen by us! MUAHAHA! Let’s make her feel even more worthless by not watching her stupid, boring video!’ ”
“Ramsha, just try harder. Become better at this. If making videos is what you wanna do, just give it your all. Just give it your best shot. Eventually, someone important will notice. Just, be patient. Try harder. Just keep on moving forward. These people who haven’t replied do not matter. Don’t just give up. Don’t give up on yourself.” My dad said with a hug.
And I did feel better once my dad said all that. He and my mom are the only two people who will back me up no matter what. They’re the absolute best.
But something else bothered me. Once I realised what it was, the thought grew like a virus. It consumed me. Saddened me. I said to myself,” What is the point of all this? Of life? Am I supposed to rule the world and live an extravagant life, or am I supposed to blend in with the other fellow mundane human beings? All of this, all this effort won’t even matter in a say a hundred years. I’ll be dead. No one will remember me anyway. I’ll live a mundane and die a mundane.” I just felt empty. It felt like all my creativity, all my zest was sucked out by those existential questions. I was anxious. I was deeply unhappy.
But then I realised something, I was not going to give up on MY dreams just because some insignificant people did not validate me by not watching my hard-work. Dammit, I am going to work harder and smarter. And if those blasted existence-questioning questions bother me, I’ll just exercise or better yet, watch some anime. Or eat some chips. And, finally:
‘I WILL WORK HARD. I’LL MAKE IT COUNT. I HAVE TO. I JUST HAVE TO.’
And if any of you guys feel an existential crisis arising due to some unimportant people or events, just remember – ‘ YOU ARE THE POINT.‘
If anyone else feel this way, please comment. Let’s all face this together. Let’s kick it to the curb. Just comment.
Whew! I feel much better now.
Third YouTube video: INDIVIDUALITY
For the longest time, I’ve felt that I’m different. Not ‘good’ different but more of a ‘weird’ different. Somehow, I always stand out way and blend in at the same time. Kinda hard to explain. It just feels like I’m a completely different colour than everyone else. Everyone is in perfect sync, they create perfect melodies. But I ruin the symphony. Everyone fits in perfectly in the program. But I’m a glitchy hologram.
Without further ado, Here’s my third video:
I’ve tried to improve the quality of my video. I actually wrote a script this time! And I tried to edit it the best I could. Hope you all like it!
If you all like it, please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE and SHARE! It’s all free anyway!
Do You feel that you’re a different colour? If so, which colour do YOU perceive you to be?
Musicians and Music
I come back home disgruntled,
I come back crushed and crumpled.
I stress over homework and panic.
In go my earphones calming my manic.
In flows the music calming, soothing
In goes happiness, me, myself losing.
The music flows through me,
The beautiful, energising symphony.
The calm fights the interrupting noise.
Everything is swallowed by the voice.
Everything is better because of them,
Everything they improve, those gems.
They have the power to raise,
They give love that boasts of praise.
They take away my frustrated tears,
And give courage to fight my fears.
And the music enwraps my heart.
And it sticks together the broken parts.
All of them are a lyrical masterpiece.
All of them put my mind to peace.
All of them wipe away my sadness,
Only to replace it with gladness.
Constant
Two things in this world are constant.
My love for Pasta and Jalepeno-flavoured nachos.
YOU
Isn’t it just fun!
To make fun of someone!
To treat someone as if they’re inferior!
Just so YOU could feel superior!
How fun that is!
To call someone ‘that’ or ‘this!’
And the funny things is that,
YOU don’t even know tit from tat!
Isn’t it just fun!
Don’t YOU feel like you’ve won?!
Now that someone has lost!
No lines by you have been crossed!
Keep up the good work!
YOU have been the perfect jerk!
In the shadows YOU creepily murk.
While I stand here with a smirk!
________________________________________Very recently, I’ve acquired a TON of haters in my life, no, not on the blogosphere, but in real life. And I just don’t understand what I’ve done to offend anyone, but hey, as they say, “Haters gonna Hate, Potatoes gonna Potate.”
Since the majority of the people I spend my time with are kinda meh, I would love to make some new friends!
Do mail me at ramexa8@gmail.com!
Second YouTube video!
My Second video ever is here! Thanks to all the wonderful advice from my fellow bloggers, I’ve:
1)Added a new Intro, which took me just two hours to make on Adobe After Effects from the scratch. No biggie.
2)Made the Intro only 4 seconds long.
3)Practised and improved my editing skills.
4)Added 2 annotations!
5)Worn something non-blingy.
6)And, lastly, I’ve kept on moving forward! This was a hard one, ’cause I usually give up on new tasks very soon, but not this time!
Without further ado, here’s my new video! Please LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE and SHARE if you like it! It’s FREE anyway!
And, which monsters have attacked you while shopping? Do let me know in the comments!
Ramexabella 